Predefined or Redefined.

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We have this bad habit of duplicating what we have seen. When my wife and I got married for instance we had only ever witnessed two roles within the family structure, one was aggressive and one was passive and neither were healthy. Within a week of being married we ran into issues, I am the extravert in our relationship so I fell into the aggressive role and my wife being the introvert fell into the passive role. We began the journey of recreating our parents marriages, neither of which we wanted. It took us several years to come to the understanding of what we were doing. We both came to the realization that the roles we where filling did not fit us. We were forcing ourselves and the other person into these roles because we didn’t know that there were other roles available or that we could create our own.

We had to revisit those roles and identity how they didn’t fit. We decided that we would redefine our roles; we started the process of figuring out what we actually wanted to bring to the table. How we actually wanted to respond to situations, and what we wanted to be known for within our relationship.

This process involved looking at our values, understanding our love languages and identifying our life’s purpose. Who is it that you want to be within the situation you find yourself in? What we do is often what we focus on but who you choose to be is so much more important because when you choose to be a person that honors your values then you remain in control. When you are a person who chooses to remain true to who you are as a person, you wont get derailed by predefined labels and roles that already exist within the sphere you are operating in. Who you choose to be will determine your actions.


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Dan Byl is a purpose guru and a millennial leadership specialist.

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